Thursday, December 20, 2012

Just in case the Mayans were right...

My buddy Jose Landeros and I were sittin' around shootin' the breeze, which means drinking beer, and we got in to a conversation about what we would do if the Maya are right about the world ending. (Yes I know, thats not really what the calendar says, don't be a douche. Just go with it...)

So we compiled a list of people we'd like to shoot the breeze with before the Mayan-Zombie-Pole-reversal-Planet-X-Solar-Flare-Apocalypse. See if you can figure who picked each item.

People We'd Like to "Shoot the Breeze With"

All living presidents. So we can tell them where they went wrong. And cuz, lets be honest, who doesn't wanna have a night on the town with Bill Clinton?

Ron Paul & Arch Bishop/Duke/Jedi Knight Tom Brown - see we can tell both of them how silly and irrelevant they are.

Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards - Because we both like Top Gun. I want them to help me sing "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" to Estela Casas. Jose wants to buzz the tower with them. "Negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full."

Vicente Fernandez - cuz no one understands me like Chente.

Dierks Bentley - cuz no one understands Jose like Dierks.

Captain Kirk - Cuz he kissed a green chick and made out with Uhura.

Spock - because is logical.

The Pope - just communion wine.

Sting....the wrestler, not the singer. He wears face paint. Chicks dig mystery.

Stone Cold Steve Austin - Cuz he said so.

Julio Cesar Chavez - He's my childhood idol and he could kick Chuck Norris' ass.

Salma Hayek, Carrie Underwood, Penelope Cruz, Rachel McAdams - have you seen them?

Tom Hanks - Jose's favorite actor. A man who's lived alone on an island for that long as got to have some good stories. And we hear he's met a few presidents too.

George Strait - Because he's George Strait.

Richard Rodriguez - He makes cool movies and Salma Hayek is his comadre.

Edward James Olmos -I want to have him record my voicemail message.

Morgan Freeman - Because he's God.

Little Joe - I've drank with him before and I want Jose to experience how cool it is.

Obi Juan Kenobi - Because the Force is strong with him and everyone knows he's handy in a bar fight.

Daisy Duke - Innovator of our favorite shorts for women.

Jorge Ramos & Anderson Cooper - Clearly they were separated at birth and we'd like to reunite them.

Lou Diamond Phillips - Ritchie! (We want to show him what Mexicans are really like.)

Kim Jung Un - to tell him to lighten the hell up.

George Clooney and Brad Pitt - in suits in a Vegas Casino. Cuz if the Oceans movies can have Chinitos, why not Chicanos? (Relax, its an accurate term. The character was small and Chinese.)

Tommy Lee Jones - We're Texas Democrats and he's is therefore a God to us.

The Swedish Cook from the Muppets - Our theory is he'll make sense if were drunk. Plus, Jose and I have really spent an afternoon chopping turkey nuts. But its cool cuz it was charity.

Prince - Who else could you listen to all night long?

Gene Simmons - We know he doesn't drink but...we do.

Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg - so we can hear their music and they'd be good to have around if anyone wants to start some shizzle with us. Hey even Obi Juan Kanobi needs someone to give him 'squina.

Carlos Slim - the richest man in the world. He's Mexican and loaded. And after all the people on this list, we're going to need someone to pick up the bar tab.


Anonymous said...

It's the "Maya" not the Mayans with the N and the ones with a so-called calendar are the Aztec.

The Lion Star said...

Its Mexica, not Aztec. Smarty pants.

Anonymous said...

When talking about the original people of the great Aztlan, it is (or it's) the Azteca. . If you speak Nahuatl and are referring to the people, original inhabitants of Mexico, then yes, they are the Mexica

The Lion Star said...

Azteca is what the Spaniards called them. They referred to themselves as Mexica.